30 Timeless Xmas Greats


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Recorded on Atwood Terrace in the month of December. Thanks to Chris for his assistance in mixing and mastering. Special thanks to Zack Kouns and Rick Weaver for inspiring us to create the Christmas Spirit Molecule, which then led to the rest of the album.

Album art by Alyssa and Kevin


released December 12, 2019

Eve (hainted orchestra, synth, vocals, djembe, viola, melodica), Kevin (sax, moog, hainted church organ, keyboard, vocals, djembe, hainted guitar, hainted chains), William Shatner (festive shatting), Klaus Kleincreem (vocals, organ), James 'Paul McKartney' McKain (sax), Chris (guitar, violin), Alyssa (vocals, effects), Satanic Boys Choir of North Linden (vocals), The Infinite Jester (vocals, viola, melodica, beats), Vin Flicted (production, beats, synths, shitty flute, sax), North Linden Klown Khoir (backing vocals)

BAND acknowledges having ripped off:
Papa Legba, Frank Hurricane, Shooby Taylor, Insane Clown Posse, Runescape, Tchaikovsky, William Shatner, The Mighty Boosh, Albert Ayler (James), Alvin & the Chipmunks, Wesley Willis, BJ Snowden, The Beach Boys, Some drummer on Youtube, Johnny Mathis, Terence McKenna, Joe Rogan, Todd Rundgren, Throbbing Gristle, Ween, God, Jesus, The Holy Haint, Adobe, Ableton, Apple, Youtube.

To claim unpaid royalties send a stamped envelope to: 1-800-FUCK-OFF


all rights reserved



BAND Columbus, Ohio

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eve, kevin, et al.

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Track Name: Krautmas: Rockhound Mix
Christmas time and you're on Santa's naughty list
Denn er weiß wie böse du gewesen bist
You're on the naughty list
Du weißt genau wie böse du bist
Track Name: Christmas Spirit Molecule Suite
(Movement 1)
The Christmas Spirit Molecule
(M.E.) All I want for Christmas is some DMT
Some DMT, yes some DMT
All I want for Christmas is some DMT
So I can be Santa's machine elf
(Santa) Christmas is for family,
Not smoking meth and PCP
If you ask me Santa, please!
I'll fill your stocking with some DMT…

(Movement 2)
Haint of Christmas Past
Yes I'm the haint of Christmas past
I’m gonna haint your Christmas ass
I'm gonna haint you and your mother
Cause I'm the haint of Christmas past

(Movement 3)
I don't wanna work,
I just wanna ride on Santa's sleigh!
I don't wanna work,
I just wanna bang on Santa's sleigh!

(Movement 4)
Pa rum pa pum pum
Snowflake in your eye, televangelist
Ice cold Swisher Sweets
Steal a Christmas tree
Pumpernickel pumpernickel
Who stole the popcorn
Santa wet his pants,
Hi hi! Ho ho!
Poppy poppy poppy poppy
Poppy poppy poppy poppy
Poppy poppy little drummer boiiiiiiiiii !!!

(Movement 5)
(Shatner) Pa rum pa pum pum (x 1000)
Track Name: Black XMass
Lucifer we sing to you this day
Morning star that shines to light the way,
Satan's majesty to which we pray
Track Name: Simply Having an AWFUL Christmas Time ft. James McKain
(hainted honking)
Track Name: The World War on Christmas
Ho! Ha! Ho ho ho! Ha!
The World War on Christmas, it is coming
To your town, in December
Many will suffer, some may perish, buckle down

Ho! Ha! Ho ho ho! Ha!
The machine elves and snowmen are armed with weapons
Made to kill human children
They know no freedom or compassion, are but shells

From gore and carnage, the people fled!
Children crying, their mothers dead!

Ho! Ha! Ho ho ho! Ha!
Mrs. Claus is designing a weapon,
To wipe out the naughty humans
Annihilation and destruction, Yule tide hell

Ho! Ha! Ho ho ho! Ha!
Rudolph the reindeer, antlers sharpened,
Strung with bleeding human entrails
The blood thirsty beast is on a rampage, dressed to kill

Elves on shelves, come out to play!
Sniping humans, on Christmas Day!
Blood alliance, with Sinterklaus!
Dish out beatings, you in his pouch!

Ho! Ha! Ho ho ho! Ha!
The World War on Christmas, it is here
Unleashed terror, pain and fear
If you’ve been naughty, greedy, selfish, say your prayers

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